From the Trenches: Guava & Cream Cheese
There is so much to love
When I was younger, my dad would take me to Puerto Rico every other year or so to see my grandma. On the flight back, my dad would bring a cooler of homemade alcapurrias, pasteles, and guava paste. (okay, the guava paste was store bought). When we got home from the airport, I remember he sat down at the kitchen table, opened a box of Tricuits, and slathered on a thick layer of cream cheese. Then he continued with a layer of the guava paste on top! I thought it was the most disgusting thing ever. “Jam and cheese?!” I said. I don’t know what it was about the combination, but I thoroughly remember being appalled.
These childhood memories are funny things. I remember this snack tasting just as it does now, but back then I absolutely hated it. I never tried guava paste with cream cheese again for years after that trip. Then all of a sudden, there was a day where I thought it was the greatest thing ever. I couldn’t tell you what made me change my mind. There was just a switch turned on in my brain.
There is something about this snack combination that keeps calling to me during different moments in my life, even when I forget about it. Most notably during the 2 years when my dad and I were fighting and didn’t speak. During that hard time, I found myself eating guava paste and cream cheese on a Triscuit one night and suddenly feeling really sad. Furious at my father, I was remembering that early memory of us coming home from Puerto Rico. It was a complicated feeling, for sure. I wrote a sort of poem at the time, which I never really wanted to share. I worry I am too dramatic sometimes, but now that things with my dad are better, I find it more sentimental.
Guava & Cream Cheese
Reminds me of my dad who I no longer talk to And the island I love… but never lived on. It brings back memories of my grandma cooking white rice and chicken Just for me, the picky eater, Because I was not a fan of pasteles Memories of “veinticinco cero quatro, por favor” Her unit number that my dad would repeat to the gatekeeper when we came by. I would practice my Spanish in my head, just to say that number when I called. Memories of my dad driving to find the best mavi on the street And getting lost in the process. Memories of the coqui singing me to sleep, hidden in the trees where I could never find them. I called my grandma the other day after some time, and I asked her how she was doing. Worried, she told me to make sure I wash my hands and wear my “máscara." For some reason now when I go to sleep, the crickets that chirp start sounding like the coqui.. and that makes me smile Dreaming that I’m back on the island I never lived on, with my dad I no longer talk to, visiting my grandma, because that is what makes her happy. So I continue to keep eating guava paste and cream cheese And think about these memories
*again, my dad and I are much better now*
I often struggle with the idea of being Latin enough, and specifically being Mexican enough, or being Puerto Rican enough to be able to identify as such. I don’t speak much Spanish, which has always created this little barrier communicating with my grandma as she gets older and cannot leave the island. As a quiet kid who didn’t know Spanish, our phone calls were unfortunately so short. Now that I’m older, I definitely regret not building more of a connection with my her and learning more about Puerto Rican culture. Luckily, she is still around so I have been making up for lost time. I try to write her letters in Spanish and she just gave me her recipe for pernil. I can’t wait to try it out!
I actually didn’t cook much Puerto Rican food until my mid 20s. My dad was not the cook of the family and as a picky child, I didn’t eat any of the traditional foods with my grandma. She always made me my own bowl of white rice and shredded chicken. (Only child of an only child) Honestly, I hardly resonated with the Puerto Rican culture until I went to college. I grew up connecting more with my mom who very clearly embraces and shows her love for Mexican culture in every way. It is just what I was exposed more too and I honestly have no complaints about that. This growing attachment to guava and cream cheese and my ongoing cooking career has helped me connect with the Puerto Rican side of myself. For that, I will be forever grateful. Now I try to share this connection with others when I can by baking them these pastries.
When I started baking at the café where I worked, I was given free reign over filling choices. At first, I just stuck to fruit compotes, but I wanted to show more of my personality and culture. I decided I was going to introduce our customers to this guava and cream cheese combination that meant so much to me. Let me tell you….those hand pies were hands down the café favorite. One lady stopped me to ask if she could order a dozen! We only made these pies on Mondays and I only ever made about 20 max, so that was a big deal to me.
Another favorite moment was when my boss walked into the kitchen mid service to tell me how much this woman loved the hand pies. She was Latina and she was so grateful that they reminded her of what her family used to make when she was young. “It’s the guava and cheese!” I said. Many cultures share this flavor combo and no matter where we are, it has the power to take us down memory lane and connect us to our roots. Later on, another cook, who was from Mexico, asked me for 2 dozen of these because he had never had anything like them before and they were so good. I was so happy to introduce this combination to someone else. Also, having another cook order something from me is what made me realize that maybe I do know what I’m doing.
After the recent Hurricane Fiona, the memories of my trips to the island came flooding back. Watching the devastation that hit the island, I was mostly worried for my grandma (she was thankfully completely fine where she is). I read the articles about the dirty politics that have been hurting the island for years and the notes about the strong community of people who look after their neighbors. Being immersed in articles about Puerto Rico, it seemed like it was time to revisit guava and cream cheese as an attempt to connect to the island once more. I’ve honestly been trying to learn more about Puerto Rican history and have been reading a lot with books like Olga Dies Dreaming, news articles, and Puerto Rican cookbooks. Even though it is a little late, I’m happy that I have been connecting to and learning more about a culture that is part of me and my family.
Weekly Round Up
Music
I have to shout out one of my favorite Puerto Rican queens: Princess Nokia. I love her music and the messages she spreads of self love, self confidence, and loving her culture. “Diva” and “Brujas” are just a couple of my favorites. She has such a range of style from rap to pop, and I love the variety.
Cooking Experiments
I have been quite busy with work, but I revisited some of my mom’s favorite recipes this week. It’s her birthday!! (Love Libras) For her present, she requested Alicia Kennedy’s Coquito and my spiced chocolate chip cookies. (I promise I’m going to put the recipes for those on the website soon!) Somehow I have taken over social media at my work so I’ve had to focus on that more than my own. I am working on a balance though!
Small Business Love
(I can’t believe I have not recommended these ones yet)
With spooky season here, I have to shoutout Brujita Skincare. I love all of their products, especially the hydrosols and vegan crema no. 8. I have never felt so comfortable not wearing makeup in public until I started using their products. They also have a great annual Halloween collection, “Redrum,” that releases 10/21. It is a Latinx & LGBT owned business that has established a community (Brujita Cult) around building a skincare ritual and loving yourself. LA based with ingredients sourced from Mexico, this one is definitely worth a look.
Also with a recent spooky Halloween drop is Viva La Bonita. I am so excited about their latest drop, “The Espooky Collection!” They also have an app that will give you daily affirmations and inspirational quotes that are a million times better than what you used to get from Co-Star. Their collection include: “Allergic to Pendejas,” “Growing Through It,” and “The Hype Woman” to name a few. All about self confidence with their tagline of “where the women are fearless,” you can’t help but feel hyped up with their gear. I am all about this energy, so check it out here if you’re interested.